Depression is ugly and heartbreaking.

My depression is a mile high tower looming over me casting the darkest of shadows.

It is a tower that I would love nothing more than to burn to the ground while it holds every single cold and heartless thought that my mind can come up with.

It is isolating and a burden on the people I care the most about.

I feel the need to apologize for my lack of emotion but, it is not my fault. However, I feel as if I am ruining the lives of everyone around me.

This may just be me being dramatic.

I’m sorry.



Something I’ve learned in my 23 years is that things don’t always go as you planned.


When I was 16 I KNEW that I was going to marry my then boyfriend and have the same best friend for the rest of my life. I can honestly say, I am beyond ecstatic that none of that happened.

You grow up, people change. What kind of life would it be if you were always “16 year old you”.

I didn’t move to London.

I haven’t started school yet. (This one I am particularly thankful for considering I was never 100% on what I wanted to be when I “grew up.”)

I’m not married. I’m not even with that guy anymore.

I still talk to those people occasionally but, they’re not the center of my whole world anymore and that’s okay. Amazing even! Because, I’m the center of my world.

I guess what I’m just trying to say it’s okay when everything you planned doesn’t happen the way you thought it would. Spontaneity is mind blowing. Trust me.

Writers Block.

I literally cannot think of anything to put on here. Like I have 3 or 4 half finished post in my drafts and I just..I can’t dude I can’t.

So it may be a few days before I put anything up on here which sucks because I wanted to do a post every week and somewhere along the way I’ve missed one.

I have however kept it up a hell of a lot better than I did last year so there’s that.


hi guys!

Seeing as how I was sick for the end of last week (I get really bad migraines) I will be putting up two blog post this week. One of them will go up today and one later this week. So, this one may be a bit like chatty shit. 🙂


So basically I’m really stoked because tomorrow my birthday present will be coming in and it is my very first DSLR camera and it is a NIKON D3400. I have never owned something like this before and I am just so very excited to finally be able to start my portfolio and finally make use of the Photography section of this blog.

I mean obviously I have tons of dreams and expectations for my life, I mean, just read my long ass bucket list.;)

However, photography has always been there as like a “home base” in a way. It has always been a real passion for me. Now, I won’t go into too much detail because I have done that in an earlier post.

I’ll be sure to leave a review on this blog after using it for a little while.

I’m just so excited for a dream to start coming true!

Whats a dream you’re really excited about?

Misandry Vs. Feminism

I promise this is not some super duper rant about equality or anything. (That may come later) 😉

This is more like, I am just so very sick of people misunderstanding the difference between Feminism, Egalitarianism, Misandry, and Misogyny. So I’m just going to clear this shit up,


(links for each definition at the bottom)

Feminism: 1 :  the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes, 2 :  organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests

Egalitarianism: 1 :  a belief in human equality especially with respect to social, political, and economic affairs. 2 :  a social philosophy advocating the removal of inequalities among people

Misandry: a hatred of men

Misogyny: a hatred of women

Now, for the love of god, can we please stop calling Misandry Feminism.

Sorry for the short post but it needed to be said. 🙂

Definitions: (which are legit by the way, they’re Webster’s Dictionary)

Feminism Definition

Misandry Definition

Egalitarianism Definition

Misogyny Definition

2k17 New Years Resolutions

I know I know I did a really crappy of job of keeping up with this old thing last year but, I promise to try harder this year. It's one of my resolutions and everything. (which obviously means I have to do it right?) **wink**

OKAY! Lets get started.

I have a long list this year because I've decided this is the year of no more playing around. I set out to make myself the best person I could possibly be. Whether that be physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, or spiritually I want to do better for me and my future and my dreams.

This is the year of Character Development.


1.  Step out of my comfort zone more.

One huge problem I have is not doing things that make me uncomfortable. Imagine everything I could be missing out on because I'm to scared or because I am letting my Anxiety control my life. No more.

2. Eat Healthier.

I'm a snacker. Big time. I like junk food and sweet sometimes way more than I should. I want to learn how to plan meals better and instead of having things like cheezits to snack on why not an apple or granola. Instead of left overs for breakfast why not yogurt or oatmeal.

3. Try new recipes.

To be completely honest I am just so very bored with making the same meals day after day I want to try new things and new foods.

4. Loose at least 10 lbs.

I have always had a huge problem with how I feel about myself and the way I look. The only person who can change those opinions is me. Why would it matter if others love me if I don't love myself.

5. Care about myself more

This kind of goes hand in hand with number 4 but, its so much more too. Its not just physically I'm slacking on caring about myself. Emotionally and Mentally I am also lacking on self care. I want to be okay in every way I can be.

6. Start my YouTube channel.

This has always been kind of a dream for me ever since I discovered danisnotonfire, amazingphil, Shane Dawson TV, pewdiepie, and Zoella all those years ago. Just what they did and the message they sent out was amazing to me. They're helping people in ways I wish to.

7. Do something special for future me.

Whether it be taking a class or learning a language or finally enrolling in school I want to do something that I will appreciate in 5, 10,20 years.

8. Unplug more often.

We as people spend WAY TOO MUCH time with our screens in our faces. Now before you start slamming me for being anti-technology just wait. That is the last thing I am. Technology has done some amazing things for the human race in recent years. However, I do think everyone could benefit from looking up more often. Just imagine all the beautiful sites and interesting people you're missing out on because of a phone.

9. Save more money.

One of my biggest problems is spending money on useless crap. This year I really need to work on putting money out of every check up for the future.

10. Get more organized, and stay that way.

I am HELLA good at organizing things and putting them in places they are meant to be. I am however not good keeping it that way. I also need to work on keeping a schedule.

11. Keep up with this Blog.

For those of you who are not aware I started this blog a year ago and to be completely honest, It. Went. To. Shit.

Life and work got into the way but, I have since fixed that situation. I am no longer on third shift so my sleep schedule is all fixed and I am getting more done!

I will post a new blog post once a week.

12. Write more.

I have always quite enjoyed writing whether that be short stories, inspirational sayings, or poetry and I've sort let myself coming away from that in the past couple years but I really want to get back into it.

13. Procrastinate Less.

**See quote at the bottom** haha 😉

I'm tired of "tomorrow-ing" my life away.

14. Set up my Photography Portfolio.

I have kind of started doing this one this past year but I have always always always wanted be a nature photographer and I kinda of ended up doing mostly posed photography of people so I want to go back to what I really love.

15. Donate to Charity.

I have always done very well at doing this but I want to be better.

There will always be people who need my time or money more than I will.

The point of being human is loving and helping others.


"A year from now you will wish you had started today."
Karen Lamb